I can only go up.

Phew! A lot has happened in these last couple of weeks. i am very overwhelmed with work and school. I am finally at my last year in school for photography and I'm already getting assignments for the fall!

Anyways, I've been shooting a lot of portraits, its so much fun! I shot some of my fellow students (also friends) i had a lot of fun using clothing and making them laugh.

My friend Bridgette

Yours Truly :P

My other partner Marlene, we never get to mess around.

Ill update more as soon as i edit!

I Must.

AUTHORS UPDATED NOTE: I actually wrote this about a month ago. I was going through a lot. reading it now, i still feel many of these things. i decided to put it up even though its old, just because it might help somebody else. It helped me out a lot, writing all of these things out. but things have changed, and little by little they are getting better...i hope.

i have been absent lately i know. A lot has happened to me emotionally and physically. I decided to put fashion on hold for a second, and discuss something that had been in my head for quite sometime.

I've always held my close friends to the highest regard. I consider them part of my family. I love them and care for them the way a sister or a brother could. I love to know their families and be trusted with their secrets and faults, and watch them grow with me and learn lessons.

Me as a person, i can be a bit over bearing. I care too much. And if a friend is hurt, or doing something unhealthy or even angry about something, i always want to be there. it doesn't matter if the problem is me, i will still be there. When i mother hen someone, i don't mean to be condescending and arrogant, i mean to be caring and uplifting. I would never want someone to feel like i am speaking down to them or making them feel less. I would never do that to a friend.

Lately, i feel split with my emotions, i feel alone, i feel sad and lastly i feel like I'm losing a silent battle. I know i can be a bitch, i can be tough, hell, i sometimes can be heartless. But when it comes to someone i love, i am very sensitive. I care deeply. A person that I love in my life has a part of my heart and is deeply rooted into my emotions. I cannot stop that from happening. It is impossible.

Sadly, there are times when someone in my close knit group of family decides he or she does not want to be there. It hurts. Badly. But it is something i must accept. Sometimes i am too much for someone (or vice versa) and we cannot be friends. Its sad, and it fucking hurts, and its heartbreaking. But i must accept it. I must.

I am having a hard time with it right now. And i am sad. I am very very sad. Because i can see the end of something and i don't want to. I can no longer avoid it. It is right in my face with a big neon sign saying "DEAL WITH THIS FINALLY" and now i guess i have to.

What makes me even more sad is that i know in my heart (though i do not want to admit it) that I no longer want to fight for it anymore. I have given up, heart and soul. And thats something i have never felt. I do not even feel angry, i just feel sadness. and alone.

But i must be strong, because shit happens, life changes, friends leave, people break your heart and sometimes you get fucked over.

No matter how much i want to lie to myself and say i am at the same level, i can't. I have moved on, i am older. I have responsibilities and ambition to move forward and leave where i am. I am not stuck, I will not fail. I will be who i want to be. And at this point thats all i can say to myself.

Im sorry you thought i meant you harm, or jealously or you thought i was being arrogant. Im sorry you don't appreciate me here or like that i care. I'm sorry that i am not what you want me to be. But i will not change for you. I am who i am. and because of that i feel we must part soon.

School Has Kidnapped Me.

My my, i am such a flake on my blog. School has been keeping me super busy. I am almost done with my degree in Photography so the shoots and assignments have been heavy and very long. I hope to be back closer to June. Right now I'm at my internship, i should probably get back. :P

Much Love!

Alexander McQueen Winter 2012

Finally settled into my new place! so that means back to fashion reviews! McQueens' Winter 2012 runway was done a couple of weeks ago. and for the first time ever, I saw a lot of people HATED the collection. It was shocking for me to say the least, because I've always understood the themes of each line and show, so i could never really HATE any of them. I feel with McQueen you have to understand the message.

I think the big thing people didn't like was that it was a very repetitive show. The fall show, i feel was a lot more exciting and colorful. Winters' consisted of various types of colored fur with white or eggshell colored dresses. and add in some black as well. (the black dresses i feel, were the most amazing.) The corsets on some of the outfits were stunning as well. and the shoes! oh my! once again Sarah Burton and her team hit the nail on the head! Weird, High and very sexual. I always look forward to seeing whats on the models feet. For me overall it was a lovely show. Very different and exciting.

but, I also feel (and a lot of other bloggers and reviewers i read) this was one of the first shows that Mrs. Burton decided not to have a central story to the show. Usually with McQueen, we can see a narrative in the clothes, a beginning and an end. I feel for this show, it stayed very much the same. its was "freezing cold" and all winter in the line. I feel a lot of McQueen fans want to see another "Platos Atlantis" or "The Raping of Scotland", the original famous McQueen shows.

But, we have to honest with ourselves, Lee McQueen is now gone. He left a woman in charge that is almost as brilliant as him, but with a different taste. I can tell Burton is trying to keep McQueen alive in the work. But i think a lot of people need to give her space to grow as her own designer. she ISNT McQueen, no one will ever be Alexander McQueen again. We need to accept that and take what the company gives us now.

Once people get over that, i think people will start to really love the vision Sarah Burton has. I loved the show. I can't wait to see what else she has in store for the coming year.

the entire show

and these are some of my favorites from the whole show:

they LOST ME with this one...

Ill put up the fall line and more soon!

Busy Days No Getaways.

It has been an INSANE month for me. We have officially moved into our new apartment and my studio classes are getting a lot harder. We shoot every class period and have to shoot on our spare time. As for the move, it was good, but theres still a lot of things to be done. I went to IKEA and found A desk and a bookshelf. They both white. I adore them. And I found a bed frame! But I'm going to buy it in a couple of weeks. I'm happy cause now things seem to settling down. But theres still a lot to do! Here's some pictures of my new place! And my bookshelf with my Harry Potter trinkets. Nerd status.

Life gets in the way and stuff.

I'm currently less than a week away from moving. Also, school has been a bit hectic. I have officially declared my major which means they are drowning us in photo assignments. Its all very tedious, but i love it. My first class is Commercial Photography 1, which is a class where we shoot various types of commercial portraits. We started Tuesday with a cereal box. I started the shoot in the morning and didn't leave in till mid afternoon. It was long but well worth it since i have half of my assignment done. I also have a Color Printing and Lightroom class which is all Photoshop and learning how to edit and print prints. Interesting but very technical. Overall, its interesting, but a lot of work. I am up for the challenge!

In Class....

bored out of my mind! its my final class of the day. Advanced Lightroom and Color Theory. Fun Stuff. Oh the life of a photo major.